Ruth Elizabeth Walker
June 29, 1932 – October 27, 2008
My Gramma lived with our family for most of my childhood. She was a third parent in our home, taking care of my sister and brother and me – helping my parents care for 3 very social kids and teens, taxing us around and being there when we got home from school. Having her there gave us an opportunity that most people don’t have. We had a chance to know her well, and have a special relationship with her that many wouldn’t understand.
I remember one of my friends saying, “I like your Gramma Ruth. She’s spunky.” And she was. Together we watched hours of professional tennis, but I still couldn’t tell you how they keep score. We followed the Olympics, summer and winter, and I fell in love with diving and figure skating. One year she took us and our cousin on a 3 week tour of the east coast, visiting New York City, Washington DC, Philadelphia, the Naval Academy at Annapolis, and Busch Gardens…it was a crazy trip! She loved watching each of us in marching band – and she did the best she could to attend each contest and performance. She taught us how to cook enough food to feed an army, and we have all learned her recipe for Spaghetti Sauce (or gravy, as she called it) & Homemade Meatballs. I still laugh with my siblings about “The Ketchup Kid” … we remember her best friend “Sam” the dog who ate Sundaes and left the cherry till last… when I hear Neil Diamond or John Denver I can hear her singing along and think of her cleaning her room which was totally off limits … and the smell of “Emerude Perfume” will always make me think of her getting ready to go someplace special. These are the memories I will hold dear.
But that spunk of hers wasn’t always easy to live with. She had her opinion about things, and you heard about it. She was tough in discipline, and we didn’t cross her (well, I didn’t – can’t say that about my sister!). She needed to be in control, and she demanded your attention. Gramma was a hard woman to love, and she didn’t know how to love well. Her life was filled with hard choices and their consequences, which impacted her family around her. She wasn’t good at admitting fault or asking forgiveness – and I think it was because she didn’t know how to forgive herself. I think for her, trying to reconcile the past mistakes was too intense a pain that her broken heart didn’t know how to handle, so she put it out of her mind and she never handled it. It wasn’t the right thing to do, but holding it against her is like asking a paraplegic to run the NY Marathon – they simply can’t because their body is broken. Gramma didn’t love well because she just couldn’t.
But I have a word of Hope for you today. Isaiah 61 says:
“The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives, and release from darkness for prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance for our God, to comfort all who mourn and provide for those who grieve in Zion – the bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead a of a spirit of despair…”
Today, Gramma knows more about God than any of us, for she has seen Him face-to-face. In the instant she took her last breath, she opened her eyes on the other side of eternity, and now she knows more about Heaven than all the libraries and churches could express. I can only imagine what she saw. And today, her body ~ imprisoned by disease ~ is free; her heart ~ broken by circumstances ~ is healed; and her ashes have been exchanged for beauty. Today she is whole.
But if she had the opportunity to come back here today – if she walked through those doors and could be with us, what would she tell us? I don’t think she would tell who was there in Heaven…or who wasn’t (and she would know!)…I don’t think she would us about streets of gold or what God looked like. I think she would say – Be Ready. I think she would say that the time is short, and there is so much more to life than she experienced. I think she would say don’t wait to say you’re sorry, don’t wait to forgive, and don’t wait to tell someone what they mean to you. I think she would say that loving well makes you vulnerable and hurts sometimes, but living without it is a waste and don’t you do it!
And I think she would say that this word from Isaiah isn’t for “after you die.” Those promises are for us, for the ones who are alive – to give us hope, healing, and power to live a life that is purposeful and fulfills what you were created for. I’m not talking about “being saved” or “making sure you are going to Heaven.” That’s important, and if you have never asked Jesus to be your Savior, I hope you will find him. I believe that Gramma knew Jesus, and that he welcomed her with open arms as her life here ended. But I think she would want you to know that there is so much more …
I’m talking about living a life that is full. Not full of regrets, loneliness, or bitterness… but full of joy, peace, hope, and love. If you know Jesus, but don’t have a life that is filled with the promises that Isaiah gives, then you can today take an opportunity to ask God to teach you how to receive His love and receive that abundant life that He promises. Seek Him and you shall find Him.
We can bring honor to Gramma’s life by taking stock in our own. We can exchange our mourning for gladness. We can make sense out of her pain by allowing God to heal ours. We can be free from the chains of guilt and unforgiveness by learning how to love well – and our teacher will be the God of Heaven who is Love.
There is one more thing that I think she would say, and since she isn’t here to say it personally, I would like to.
I think she would say “thank you” to her daughter & her family for sacrificially giving of herself for so many years to her care. She would say that she took too long to say it, but that she needed you and loved you for it. And she would say that she has seen the crown awaiting you - as you have done what the Lord has asked. You have given honor to your mother.
Gramma, from the bottom of my heart, I love you and I am joyful that you are finally at peace. Until we meet on the other side of eternity, I will miss you greatly.
Jennifer Skelton
November 1, 2008
